The guy missed both his serves on match point. I won by de-fault.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
The pirate steals arrrrt when he has the chance.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
If you doubt whether bowling is a sport, get it from me, that yes, it is a sport, but for people who have talent to spare.
Why is "dark" spelled with a K?
Because you can't C in the dark.
Apparently my password needs to be capitals only so I've changed it to LONDONMADRIDROME.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
What do you get when you cross a ghoul with an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn’t give a hoot!
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
Why did the hard drive crash?
Because it had a bad driver.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
Calm before the score
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
My mom said I have no sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!
He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
Happy Valentine's Day!
I hope your day starts off with a bang!
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
My mother-in-law dropped her iPhone in the toilet...
I told her, "there's a CRAP for that."
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
Artists know how to draw the line, so you can't really peer pressure them.
Where do school-going vampires carry their books?
In bat-packs.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
I’ll always be running-back to you.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.