We’ve made a jig mistake, don’t you a-green?
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo!
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
Are people jealous of the Irish?
Yeah, they’re green with envy.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
How much far can you see with your naked eyes, on a clear day? 92,955,807 miles (to the sun).
Two astronauts who were dating, met up for a launch date.
My mom said I have no sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
Witch doctors write their prescriptions in curse-ive.
Which side of a koala bear has the most fur? The outside!
Q: Why did the tiger cross the road?
A: To stop the zebra crossing.
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
Purple paper people, purple paper people, purple paper people.
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?
hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.