What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
What’s a tree’s favorite dating site?
Timber.
He came, he thawed, he conquered.
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
Ingenious iguanas improvising an intricate impromptu on impossibly-impractical instruments.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
Anything is popsicle during summer!
How does Frankenstein eat his dinner?
He bolts it down.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
What do you call a bunch of kids who spent all afternoon in the snow?
Chill-dren!
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid!!!
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
Don't get tide-up in sorrows, you will only cry a river.
Have you seen my lobster?
I'm worried he might by a lost claws.
I went to a wedding of two nuclear technicians.
The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
Did you hear Ireland is the fastest-growing country in Europe?
Its population is always Dublin.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
Wanna know what I said when I got hit by a water gun?
H2Oww