My boss fired me.
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
"How?"
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
This is snow laughing matter!
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an angry man? A kangryoo
I could go on and on about Salming but I don't want to Borje.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
What is the result of an art competition? A draw.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
Mix a box of mixed biscuits with a boxed biscuit mixer.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
You’re my soul Santa.
What kind of bean never grows in a garden? A jelly bean!
What does a Triceratops sit on? Its Tricera-bottom.
What do you call a goblin with an injured leg?
A hobblin' goblin.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
What do you call it when a monster gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
The lake did not like the river because it felt that the river was not very lake-able.
Thirty-three thirsty, thundering thoroughbreds thumped Mr. Thurber on Thursday.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
What’s the suns favorite clothes brand?
Kelvin Klein.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
What do you call a bunch of kids who spent all afternoon in the snow?
Chill-dren!
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
What do you call a paper plane that doesn't fly ?
Stationary.
What do skeletons complain about?
Aching bones.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
What did one sea monster say to the other sea monster when they started their new jobs as sewer inspectors?
- It’s going to be a Nessie job, but let’s get Kraken!
A disappointed Dad tells a knock-knock joke to his teenage son: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "You're a mountain." "You're a mountain, who?" "You're a mountain to nothing, son!"
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesawus
Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.