Witch fall flavor is your favorite?
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
"You're the wine that I want."
"I'm nuts about you."
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Where will Kim Jong-un’s ashes be stored?
In a Kim Jong-urn
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that can pluck itself!
New electric trains will run on conductors.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
What is the definition of “moon”?
The past tense of “moo”.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
How did Frankenstein know Jesus was coming for a visit?
He used his frankincense.
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
A stoner, a Jedi and a surgeon walk into a bar.
Blunt force trauma.
I've just got a new job as a nursery rhyme cow.
I'm over the moon.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
What do you call a goat on a mountain?
Hillbilly.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pickle
Pickle who?
Pickle little flower and give it to your mother!
Hold on for deer life.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
How much wood could Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck, if Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood? If Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood, how much wood could and would Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck? Chuck Woods' woodchuck would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood as any woodchuck would, if a woodchuck could and would chuck wood.
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
I told the artist that his painting was terrible. I think he got the picture.
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Cows that travel alone?
Never herd of them!
“Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.”
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
A ship load of red paint crashed into a ship load of blue paint. The crews were marooned.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship
I’m ready to shamrock and roll.