What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai.
Snow on and snow forth.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
"I would hop to the end of the world for you."
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
What do ghouls eat for supper? Spooketi
What’s a shark’s favorite bible story?
Noah’s Shark.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
During the blizzard, the jalapeno said, I'm a little chilli.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
What do dinosaurs put on their pizza? Tomato-saurus
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
Old astronomers got so tired of waiting for the sun to go down, that they decided to pack it up and call it a day.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What do you call a flying turtle?
A shellicopter.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
My friend can't afford expensive art, she has no Monet.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
Skiing is believing!
Rory’s lawn rake rarely rakes really right.