What do you call a girl who is standing directly in the middle of the court? Annette.
A man was about to propose to his fiancé but as soon as he got down on his knees, she started laughing.
It was a fun knee moment.
What happened to the wolf that fell into the washing machine?
It became a wash and wearwolf.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
Why did the origami artist win her court case? She was great at doing the paperwork.
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the kids have to play indoors.
Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.
Shell yeah.
Why shouldn’t you iron a four-leaved clover?
You don’t want to press your luck.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
An astronaut did a huge crime. He broke the law of gravity and hence, got a suspended sentence.
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ? In the dark!
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter get an umbrella, it looks like it's going to rain!
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
Golfer: I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
Caddie: Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Tigers are probably the most roarsome animal ever created!
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
The librarian is kicked off the aeroplane because it has already been overbooked.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Each Easter Eddie eats eighty Easter eggs.
What is a Greek dog’s favorite dessert?
Barklava!
On Father's Day, I thanked my dad for his contribution to my birth.
He said it was his pleasure.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
"Just don't carrot all."
Why was the bucket so embarrassed at the beach?
Because of how pail it was.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!
Any time I wear a t shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.