Want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I'll dig something up!
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
I like rivers very much. I was watching a live stream earlier.
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
What's the article of winter clothing most appropriate for Valentine's Day?
's mitten.
What do you call a storm that's raining cats and dogs?
A furricane
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
I’m currently reading a book on anti-gravity and it’s impossible to put it down.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
Whats the distant cousin of the werewolf?
The way over therewolf.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
The group of beavers loved the river because it has a really bubbly personality.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Why did they arrest the volleyball player? They suspected foul play.
Make your own decisions this summer, don’t give in to pier pressure.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
A Ghost walks into a bar. No ones notices.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
When I refused to buy her concert tickets for the weekend, my 15 year old daughter broke down and threatened to cry a river.
I told her to go ahead, but remember that she's so self absorbed the tears won't even make it to her cheeks.
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad!
Shell yeah.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
All clover the world.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.