Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
What did the husband say when his wife told him he bought the wrong flowers?
"Oopsie daisy!"
“Is this the Spanish word for ‘nap’?” She asked, pointing to a word on the page.
“Si, está.”
It's lit.
Alligators ask lots of questions, they'd make great interri-gators.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
Q: What did the artist say to the dentist?-
A: Matisse hurt
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
Who is a ghoul’s favorite family member?
Mummy!
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
I'm beginning to suspect that the Tinnitus Hotline isn't actually staffed
Any time I call, it just keeps ringing.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
Did you know there’s an app for corn growers?
It’s made in Sili-corn Valley!
I've finally started to believe that Pluto is not really a planet...
Especially when I saw him in a cartoon.
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
Love at frost sight!
See snow evil, hear snow evil.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
What holiday do we celebrate in May to remember all the mothers we lost in the past year?
Momorial Day
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
Eddie edited it.
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
How do pink birds make friends? They fla-mingle.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
The color of the sky can help in predicting the weather. It gives a fair report of the hue-midity.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”