What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
A cheese factory exploded in France...
da brie is everywhere.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
The neighbor's dog pooped in our yard, so my wife told me to get the shovel and toss it over their fence.
But that didn't solve anything.
Now the neighbors have my shovel and someone still has to pick up the poop in our yard.
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.
Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
I heard the King of spain caught Covid...
Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.
So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
I'm reading a book called "The Yellow River"
It's written by I.P. Freely
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?
Because he knew there was something fishy about it.
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Why do skeletons hate how wind feels? Because it goes right through them!
Take a pitcher. It'll last longer.
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
What did the astronaut cook for lunch? An unidentifiable frying object.
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
It's foolish for humans to try and take back the planet of the apes
Since they are incredibly good at gorilla warfare.
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
What’s a werewolf’s favorite nighttime story?
A hairy tail!
What did the rainwater say as it ran off the road.
Grate.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.