Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
I bought a 400 year-old chair from Italy,
but as soon as I sat on it, it baroque.
What does the iron-deficient giant say?
- Fi fo fum.
Two bananas married without realising they were from the same tree.
They really split over it. It was a really slippery ordeal and peeled them apart.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
Why are cowboys prone to gambling?
Because they're always raising the steaks.
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
While the blues musician performed his most famous song, balloons of every color were released in the arena. Guess we may get to call it the 'House of Hues'.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
It may just be a stage I'm going through, but I sure do love the trapdoors on set.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
I took my wife out on a date to the ice rink, as entry was half price.
She called me a cheap skate.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
Colors laugh by saying, "Hue Hue Hue."
Don’t worry, beer happy.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
My girlfriend left me because all I do is talk about football.
I'm so sad, we were together for 3 seasons.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
Anything is popsicle during summer!
The fact that we were asked to leave our beautiful purple color house by the owner is still purplexing for me.
Why did the troll go running?
To keep up with you!
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
Why did the ghost go to the big Labor Day sale? He’s a bargain haunter.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
I went to an Easter party as a Jesus cosplayer
I told them I was a crossplayer.
Never talk to me about fashion
It just goes in one year and out the other
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
What do you call a buffet for sheep?
All you can bleat!
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What do you call an overweight alien?
An extra cholesterol.
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
My parents always told me I can be anything I wanted, the sky's the limit
This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.