What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
How does a kangaroo win a gold medal?
In the long jump.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
How does an otter get into an honest business? Usually through the skylight.
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
What do ghouls drink?
Boos!
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
How do you leave any building in Spain?
You "follow salida lida lida..."
Did You Hear About The Duck Who Thought He Was a Squirrel?
It was one tough nut to quack.
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What is the best way to observe the two planets between Jupiter and Neptune?
Saturn Uranus.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine in winter? To stop his coffin.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What sound do hedgehogs make when they kiss?
Ouch
What did the baby chicken say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, look what marma-laid!
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
When is it raining money? Whenever there's 'change' in the weather.
Q: Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?
A: Because he was the raining champion.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
What is the shortest month of the year?
M-A-Y.
I tried to come up with a funny theatre joke, but it was all just an act.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
When I went to highschool in Italy my classmates were one year older than me.
I Skipped pasta grade.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
You really mermaid my day.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What do you call a rabbit housekeeper? A dust bunny.