What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
You don’t need to pay rent to live inside my heart.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
Many basketball players fail their tests in school because they do not want to pass.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
Why can’t a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
What did the deer say to his sulky friend?
“Buck up!”
The boy leaf confessed to the girl leaf that he was fall-ing in love with her.
I wanted make a joke about the ocean, but it's too deep
What does a gingerbread man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
Why were the herbs not fully grown yet? They didn't have enough thyme!
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
How did the Native Americans get to America first?
They had reservations.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
I love you from my head tomatoes.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
Some pink birds can be really rude. I approached a group of them the other day and they screamed “Flamingo away!”
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Just bought my wife a refrigerator, for our Anniversary:
Cannot wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
What do you call a family member who works at a gas station? A pump-kin!
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Do you beer-lieve in magic?
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
No need to light a night-light on a light night like tonight.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.
It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
They told me they were handing out free beef at the beach...
When I arrived I realized it was a bay-con.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
Why is Christmas the cheesiest holiday? Baby cheeses. (Baby Jesus)
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!