Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
We pass expectations, set the standards and kill the competition. This is definitely one of the best volleyball puns to use as your team’s motto.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
I only need a prescription for like half of my kitchen cabinets.
The rest are over the counter
Q. What is a mime's favorite time of the day?
A. Dusk, because all the colors are muted.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
Local weather reports state there won't be any rain for 1 year, but I drought it.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
People didn't smile for pictures in the early days of photography...
It was frowned upon.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
Crowing, crowing, gone.
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
A crocodile tried to copy a rooster to wake his friends one morning, he went croc-a-doodle do.
What is the collective noun for Ghosts? Team spirit.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
What do you call a bee that comes back from the dead?
Zombee
Purple paper people, purple paper people, purple paper people.
My weekend is fully booked.
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?
A terrified postman.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
Q. Where do Midwest does prefer to give birth?
A. Deerborn, Michigan.
What did the nurse at the blood bank say to the nervous patient?
B positive
He came, he thawed, he conquered.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.