Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
What kind of birds do skeletons like?
Sea skulls.
Why did the koala get fired from his job?
Because he would only do the bear minimum.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
Who is Frosty’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt Artica!
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
We got a huge jack-o-lantern this fall. It gave the neighbors pumpkin to talk about.
My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?
They're always searching for the tooth.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
What do you get if you cross a ski instructor and a vampire?
Frostbite.
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine.
He immediately raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
In the paintball game, I shot a guy thrice. He dyed on impact.
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!
There was a fisherman named Fisher
who fished for some fish in a fissure.
Till a fish with a grin,
pulled the fisherman in.
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
Basketball is the only sport where the basket is filled but never gets full.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
You're the ruler of my heart.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
On a recent flight, my friend asked me, "If the door suddenly opens, you think we will fall out?
I said, "No, we will still be friends."
Does your sport shop stock short socks with spots?
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
We make a great pear
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
Finding Bigfoot will be no small feat.