What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
I always have a souper time with you.
Knife and a fork bottle and a cork
that is the way you spell New York.
Chicken in the car and the car can go,
that is the way you spell Chicago.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
You don’t like my winter pun? How cold!
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
Why did the deer cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
The queen’s favorite form of precipitation is the reign.
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
He threw three free throws.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
If you're alone and get too cold, you might become ice-olated.
Puns make me numb, but math puns make me...
Number.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
The bartender asks one of The Beach Boys what they’d like, so he looks back to his friends
“Get a round?” “Round?” “Round?” “I’ll get a round!”
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
Volleyball is air affair. This would be a good motto for your team.
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
My father always taught me to be prepared for any emergency. I was on the ball when the streets flooded...
I was ready and wading!
What is the best breakfast cereal to eat in the winter?
Frosted Flakes!
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
I received an award at work for being the most secretive employee.
I can’t tell you how much this means to me.
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
I used to love puns about throwing things, but now I don’t.
It was just a fling.
Building a good makeup design always starts with a good foundation.
What happens if a big ghoul steps on Batman and Robin?
They become flatman and ribbon!