Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
Where do Ghosts travel to for a holiday? South Aarghfricaargh.
In Quebec they used to practise throwing the puck in the zone, and then
sitting back to wait for a turnover. But eventually the players were
criticized for this dump-and-chaise tactic.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
Q. Which African animal is the oldest?
A. The zebra. 'Cause it's in black and white.
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
What’s Austrian and took over France?
Croissants.
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
Red lorry, yellow lorry.
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
How do people stop being crooks? They straighen themselves out!
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
What do you call a group of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hareline
I’d like to throw away my old can, but my pusher friend here says he loves junk balls.
These sea monster jokes are so funny.
They had me kraken!
The manager for that dairy farm was referred to as the cow-ordinator.
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
If you see a ghost, you should always say, 'How do you boo?'
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
It’s the most wine-derful time of the year.
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”