What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
Whenever fall arrives, leaves start changing their color autumn-matically.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
This vacation has been sand-sational!
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
An arrogant gazelle walks up to a bunch of lions and tells them how much better he is than them.
He was consumed by pride.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?
“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
A tree fell over in our yard but we aren't sure why.
We're looking for the root cause.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
Why was the cat not allowed on the computer? Because she tried to catch the mouse!
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to ketchup!
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Best in snow.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....
so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
What kind of money does deer use?
“Bucks!”
Q: What's a tornado's favorite game?
A: Twister
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
Mary Mac's mother's making Mary Mac marry me.
My mother's making me marry Mary Mac.
Will I always be so Merry when Mary's taking care of me?
Will I always be so merry when I marry Mary Mac?
I thought the play was frightful but I saw it under particularly unfortunate circumstances - the curtain was up.
How do you kill a troll?
Take away its internet access.