The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What online search engine do spooky monsters use?
Ghoulghoul.
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve.
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
Give papa a cup of proper coffee in a copper coffee cup.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
I had gradient expectations on him of being a good artist, but it was all in vain!
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
Silly sheep weep and sleep.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Why did the volleyball players line up from shortest to tallest? The coach wanted the team to switch from a 5-1 line up to a 6-2.
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
Why didn’t Dr. Frankenstein ever make a second monster?
Because he just didn’t have the guts to do it again.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
A camel can work all week without drinking..
A man can drink all week without working.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
What’s the freshest herb you can find in April?
Spring-thyme!
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
What do you call a fashionable, but judgmental monster who howls at the moon?
A What Not To Wear-Wolf.
What did the Cat burglar say when he was caught stealing from a French art museum?
I did it for the Monet.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
I just won local "Worst Body Odor Contest".
No one else came close.
Which lawn decorations move around from yard to yard?
Gnomads.
Why do ghosts and demons get along so well? Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
There's no need to cherry your feelings, I know you love me really.
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
Why was the parrot in prison? Because it was a jail-bird.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
Cassini spacecraft took pictures of both Saturn and Earth. It was literally the best of both worlds.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
We make a great pear
I was struggling to find out how lightning works. And then it struck me.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.