What happened when Turbo lost his shell? He began to feel sluggish.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
What do worms leave round their baths?
The scum of the earth!
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
You’re my pot of gold.
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Be careful this Easter
There is a lot of basket cases out there.
I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch. But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
I used to have a scuba diving business
But it went under.
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
Even if injuries end it prematurely, Paul's had a good Kariya.
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
You’re sledding a fine line there.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Purple paper people, purple paper people, purple paper people.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
What is a female "Douchebag" in France called??
A douche-baguette.
Grasshoppers do not fancy soccer matches because most of them prefer cricket matches.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
Crows go, listen, perform, and enjoy live music, at cawnsorts.
How should you greet a Ghost? - Long time, no see.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.
"Happy Easter to all my peeps."
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
Don't even chai.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.