How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
It ain’t over till it’s clover.
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?
Yes, it is February 14th
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
Grammar has never been my strong suit.
Did you hear the story of the little ghoul that grew up?
It became a headhunter!
How much far can you see with your naked eyes, on a clear day? 92,955,807 miles (to the sun).
After being stuck in the ice storm all day long, the man said, "I am starving. Can I avalanche?"
What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
What’s a horse’s favorite country singer?
Colt-on Underwood.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
What martial art does Earth know?
Geo-Jitsu.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
Deep sea diving is so dangerous.
I just can’t fathom it.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
What do you say to an astronaut looking for a car park
There's a spaceman.
What kind of spells do leprechauns use?
Lucky Charms!
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
French, French Revolution
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
Why did the bunny go to the hospital?
Because he needed a hopperation.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
The main difference between the weather and a horse is that one rains down while the other is reined up.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.