Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
Where are werewolf movies made?
Howl-lywood.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day?
Hen-durance.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What do frogs do when they ski?
They rip it.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
What do you do if a rabbit keeps pooping in your yard? Take him to a pellet court.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
Why does North Korea excel at drawing straight lines?
Because they have a supreme ruler.
Only a**holes use bidets.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
I was waiting at the hotel's lobby when the WiFi was disconnecting from time to time.
I really hated that reception.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
What did one slice of bread say to the other at their wedding?
Let’s grow mold together.
How does one astronaut on the moon tell another astronaut that he is sorry?
He apollo-gises.
Can I be Candide with you?
My first date with an Emergency department nurse was a casual tea.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs bunny
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
"An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare."
I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch. But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.
What do you call a party for snowmen? A snowball.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Why did the person throw their computer cabinet in the air?
They wanted to store it in the cloud.