I dare you to lie that you didn’t find all these space puns hilarious. Th
What cheese do vampires eat?
Munster.
How much far can you see with your naked eyes, on a clear day? 92,955,807 miles (to the sun).
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
I went to an art gallery and noticed that all the info was also available in braille.
Nice touch.
I’m o-fish-ally in love with you.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. It’s Dublin every day.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
What distinction does OJ hold in jail? He's the first inmate with a retired number.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
What do you call a girl who is standing directly in the middle of the court? Annette.
My friend gave birth in the car on the way to the hospital
Her husband named the kid Carson.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
Ant-ten-eye.
Whats the distant cousin of the werewolf?
The way over therewolf.
Q. What did the bully do to the orange?
A. Beat him to a pulp.
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
The goal nine yards
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
Where do the astronauts park their vehicles? At the parking meteors.
Why did the corn stalks hold a ceremony in honor of the scarecrow?
To corn-gratulate him for being out standing in their field!
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
Round the rough and rugged rock the ragged rascal rudely ran.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
Roberta ran rings around the Roman ruins.
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
Why did the witch's cat scratch her?
Because he was in a bad mewd.