What happened when the artist tried to draw a cube? He suffered from a mental block.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
What is the capital of Greece?
G.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Who is a Yeti's favorite Dracula actor?
Christobrr Lee.
What key on the keyboard is truly out of this world?
The spacebar.
Fall is coll-arding; it’s time to leave.
It’s the most wonderful time for a beer.
What did the man say after spending hours skiing?
"I'm starving, can I avalanche?"
Who does May like the best?
April Showers, because April Showers brings May flowers!
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
Many people think that the Abominable Snowman doesn't exist...
Yeti does.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
I read Reims of info before I got here, but nothing can prepare you for how beautiful this place is.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Elon Musk is now the richest person on the planet.
Space X has really taken off this past year.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
If you notice this notice,
you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing.
I always find artists romantic because when they love you, they do it with all their art.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
Why were the volleyball players always tying in tic tac toe? Each time one of them sets an X, the other player just says O.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic? Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
I snuggle to get through these winter days.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
What do you call a witch that lives in the desert?
A sand-witch.
“Remember not to leave a fire burning in your fireplace this Christmas Eve, or else you might wake up to a Crisp Kringle.”
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.