What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
What's the difference between and Buffalo and a Bison?
You can't wash your face in a Buffalo.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
My love for you simply radiates.
Hunting elephants is illegal as ivory well know.
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
All her food is potion-controlled.
What game do Ghost children play? Hide and shriek!
Suzie Seaword's fish-sauce shop sells unsifted thistles for thistle-sifters to sift.
Why did the skeleton have a broken heart?
His Boney lay over the ocean.
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
Q: What's a tornado's favorite game?
A: Twister
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
What did the Indian kid say to his mother when she left India?
Mumbai
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
What genre of music do elves love to listen to? Wrap.
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
What is a flower’s favorite vegetable?
Cauliflower.
Do you be-leaf in magic?
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
I saw a saw that could out saw any saw I ever saw saw. If you happen to see a saw that can out saw the saw I saw saw I'd like to see the saw you saw saw.
What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A Midsummer Bite’s Dream.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
How will you have communion in the space if you won’t have mass?
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
Why are wintertime fortune tellers so reliable?
They can see what is mitten in the stars.
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
We are looking pitcher-perfect.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I’m stuck on you like igloo.
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It was feeling green!