I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
When the theatre owner dies, his visitation hours are as follows: 1pm, 3pm, 6:30 pm, 9pm, and midnight.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, want me to jump off this chairlift for you? 'Cause I think I could fall for you.
What do you call an existential lycanthrope?
A whywolf.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
Why is winter the least popular time of year for a wedding?
Because the grooms always get cold feet!
Rivers are so lazy they never get out of their beds.
Let me plant one on ya!
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
Who led the Jews across a semi-permeable membrane?
OsMoses.
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
France is beautiful in every Cezanne.
Dracula really doesn't have any other vampire friends. It's because he's a total pain in the neck.
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
Basketball players manage to remain cool even during tough matches because they stay closer to the fans.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought
Wasn’t the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought,
Had been the thought I thought,
I wouldn’t have thought I thought.
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
I could go on and on about Salming but I don't want to Borje.
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
What’s the best time of year to break out the trampoline?
Spring-time!
How do Greek gods say sorry to one another
"I Apollo-gise"
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
In one Fall swoop, it's autumn again!
Can you can a can as a canner can can a can?
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.