Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
Why didn't the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors? Because she had no guts!
France – it’s just a oui bit different!
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
How much far can you see with your naked eyes, on a clear day? 92,955,807 miles (to the sun).
How do ghosts find out their future? They read their horror-scopes.
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone.
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
How do you know that it's too cold outside for a picnic?
You chip your tooth on the soup.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
What do cows in Greece sound like?
They say µ.
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.
I saw a saw that could out saw any saw I ever saw saw. If you happen to see a saw that can out saw the saw I saw saw I'd like to see the saw you saw saw.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
Every time when I see a picture of something amazing in space, I usually say “That’s totally far out.”
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
Your love is like vodka. You’re worth the chase.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
A slimey snake slithered down the sandy sahara.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.