If you get married out on sea or in a boat...
is that a row-mance?
What do you call Bigfoot from Canada?
Sasquatch-ewan.
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
Bee warned.
Bee puns really sting.
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
We’re trying to pool off the party of the summer.
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?
You column.
What did the doctor say to the skeleton who had a temperature of 103 degrees?
- Looks like you are running a femur.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Believe in your elf.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
What do you call dumb jokes at the beach?
Comic sands.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
"The Full Moon is a natural furnomenon," said the werewolf.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I really lava you!
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
I have been saying "mucho" more often while talking to my Hispanic friends
It means a lot to them.
What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
If the Hubble Telescope got married...
It would be called the Hubby Telescope.
Clean clams crammed in clean cans.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
I don’t know why I couldn’t convince my wife she would like the set of knives I made her for Mother’s Day.
I made several good points.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.