How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Why was the crab embarrassed?
Because the sea weed.
Dublin over in laughter.
Where do vampires go to buy their art supplies? Pencilvania.
How do you know your heart is your biggest fan?
It’s always so pumped for you.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
Billy turned in his art project and his teacher said, “This piece of paper has nothing on it?”
Billy replied “I know, I drew a blank.”
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
The skeleton would love to see the latest horror flick, but he just doesn't have the guts for it.
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
I hope for world peas.
What do ghosts drink on St Patricks Day?
BOOs.
Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
It’s filled with liti-gators.
Enough of the Corona virus jokes
We're all getting sick of them!
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
Why don't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is
I lost my cat in a snowstorm!
But he should be fine because he's a cool cat.
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
Just brew it!
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
The sun is mad at the clouds because the clouds keep throwing shade.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
I cannoli be happy
Sometimes you have to green and bear it.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
The coffee shop owner was afraid. He wanted to know if the shop had ground to operate in the black.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.