A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
How much does an elephant skeleton weigh?
Skele-tons.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Why was the ocean angry? Because the ocean didn't wave back.
How do you make a panda?
Punch a polar bear in the eyes.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
He threw three free throws.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
What time do werewolf Cowboys have a shootout?
High Moon!
With a calendar, your days are numbered.
Do you know what is the favorite key of the astronauts?
The Spacebar.
Did you hear about the comedian who entertained at a werewolves’ party?
He had them howling all night.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
"On cloud wine."
Have you heard about the guys who stole a truck full of broccoli and cauliflower? They had to really floret to get away.
My cat kept jumping onto my desk.
I had to put him down.
What do you call it when you get mugged on the vernal equinox?
The first robbin’ of spring!
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
Why did the koala get fired from his job?
Because he would only do the bear minimum.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Wife: I’m sick and tired of your obsession with golf!
Husband: Why, is it driving a wedge between us?
If you want to impress the crowd, hit overheads. Every point will be a smash hit.
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
What did the dolphin detective say to his partner?
Something smells fishy!
How does a rainbow greet the other weathers? With a yellow of course!
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.