What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
Why will you not want to give a bath to the Saturn? It would then leave a ring around the tub.
How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport?
Re:LAX
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
He named the street he built after his wife.
It was very apt, as she was cold, hard, cracked and only got ploughed around Christmas.
Dublin over in laughter.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
just bought 5 slabs of San miguel, 10 sombreros and 25 tacos,
I'm Hispanic buying
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
When the ghost watched a sad movie he started boo-hooing.
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
He threw three free throws.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
How was the misbehaving lightning bolt punished?
He was grounded.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
My landlord asked me out on a date.
He said I should be out of the house by the 17th.
How does a lobster answer the phone?
"Shello?"
What can you serve and never eat? A volleyball!
Why are spiders such great volleyball players? Because they have an amazing topspin.
Why did the cosmonaut take his dog to the vet?
He came down with a stellar case of lunar tics.
What's more amazing than a talking bat? A spelling bee!
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
How do you kiss someone at the end of the world?
On the apoca-lips.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.