Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
What do you call a mythical being working in a smoothie store?
Mejuicea.
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
You're the ruler of my heart.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Writers are cold because they’re surrounded by drafts.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
I feel tail great!
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
He was in Denali.
Q: What do you call a freezing bird?
A: Brrrrrrrrrdddd
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
When something evolves, it becomes a fork of nature.
Putting on contacts without a mirror is hard
You just gotta eyeball it.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
As I am walking towards my classroom, I get to know that my miss-is-sippi-ng my glass of water.
Did you hear about the happy cannon balls?
They just got married and I hear they’re already expecting some BBs.
Those who study the moon for their course or as a habit, are optimists. And that is because they look at the brighter side always.
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided if the cowboy city planners had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
What do you say when you want to break the ice with someone?
Ice to meet you!
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
Make your own decisions this summer, don't give in to pier pressure.
Why was the cat not allowed on the computer? Because she tried to catch the mouse!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A lickalotopis
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.