Did you hear about the giant who threw up?
It's all over town!
Believe in your elf.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
Why did the basketball player sign up for a crafting class?
He wanted to learn how to make baskets.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
How does every Irish joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
If you notice this notice,
you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing.
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
You’re my lucky charm.
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?
A terrified postman.
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
What did the arirst say to his friend who was stressed? Don't worry, paintbrush it off.
Writers have great climaxes.
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
Many basketball players fail their tests in school because they do not want to pass.
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
There was a minimum of cinnamon in the aluminium pan.
"It's wine o'clock."
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? 'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
How do rabbits travel?
On hareplanes!
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
Egg ercise.
I went to an art gallery and noticed that all the info was also available in braille.
Nice touch.