I used to live in in Aragon, in Spain.
Then I left.
I'm Aragone.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite drink?
A juice pouch.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
It's ok to be negative if you find yourself in a thunderstorm.
You probably won't get struck by lightning.
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
A mountain biker was chased by a Grizzly this morning. He bearly made it.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gater.
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
They say that she only paints night scenes. Other artists really pale by comparison.
Federer is such a legend that they named the Roger’s Cup, and Fed Cup after him.
Why did the bunny eat the wedding ring? Because he heard it was 18 carrots.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
Why has the prosthesis dealer become a private detective?
He has a nose for these things.
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
I’d like to tell you folks a joke about paper, but It’s tearable.
Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell.
What Do You Call Two Ducks And A Cow?
Quakers and milk.
Wind turbines don’t talk about much. They just shoot the breeze.
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
What side of a tiger has the most stripes? The outside.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, was it Red Bull that gave you wings, or are you just an angel?
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
My singing voice sounds bad in my tiny apartment.
It’s a little flat.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
Why wasn’t the little pumpkin allowed to swim?
There was no life gourd on duty!
What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
What's a shark's favorite hobby?
Anything he can sink his teeth into.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function