What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
What do fish and women have in common? They both stop shaking their tale after you catch them!
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
What does the iron-deficient giant say?
- Fi fo fum.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
What do moon people do after they get married?What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honeyearth.
The plant was tired of being boring.
It has decided to turn over a new leaf.
Maternity ward nurse asked my wife if she needed to go to the bathroom.
She says, "yeah, I could stand to pee."
I said, "No, you should probably still sit so it doesn't get everywhere."
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A. A walkie talkie!
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
How do you learn more about spiders that live in the rainforest? Check out their web site!
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
What do you call a bully on Halloween? A jerk-o-lantern.
Marriage, it has a nice ring to it.
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
I poisoned my wifes pita dip.
The police charged me with hummus-cide.
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
I came across a great movie about a semi-truck with a defective refrigeration unit that had to deliver a large shipment of meat.
Unfortunately, the trailer spoiled it.
"Every bunny was kung fu fighting."
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
The hiker hated the top of the mountain because it was all downhill from there!
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning?
His entire wife flashed before his eyes.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
While the blues musician performed his most famous song, balloons of every color were released in the arena. Guess we may get to call it the 'House of Hues'.
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one"
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.