The only thing that is black and white and has to be red all over is a newspaper.
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
Why doesn't McDonald's serve escargot? Because it's not fast food.
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
Why did the chicken go to the zoo?
To get to the otter slide.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
When God integrated Planet Earth, he didn’t forget his integral calculus lesson.
He remembered to add the sea.
Why did the old woman fall into the well?
Because she couldn’t see that well.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
When NASA will put 20 heads of cattle into the outer space, it will be the 1st herd shot around the entire world.
eople say they never get hungry at the beach
That’s because there’s sand, which is everywhere.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
My family wanted me to cut the grass, but I couldn't get myself mow-tivated.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
Which month can’t make a decision?
MAY-be.
When the well-read bird decided to open a restaurant, he named it Red Robin.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?
In case she needed to draw blood.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
When the basketball realized all the checks were bouncing, he decided to visit the bank himself to find out.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by.
The sphinx said to the man, "You may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"
The man thought for a moment and answered, "Imagination."
"Wrong," said the Sphinx. "The answer is your mom."
Deja brew all over again.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
What kind of birds do skeletons like?
Sea skulls.
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
How do you tell someone winter is over?
You spring it on them!
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
Is the pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
I always have a ball with you.
We make a great pear
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
What job did Dracula’s son have on his little league team?
Bat boy!
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.