Q: What did the tornado say to the sportscar?
A: I’m taking you for a quick spin!
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
What do bees call wasps?
Wanna-bees.
What did the tornado say to the washing machine?
Want to go for a spin?
What’s black and white, has four legs and a trunk?
Two pandas on holiday.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
I think there'll be a ferry-tale ending to this trip.
What do German meat lovers breathe?
Hamburg-air
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
Volleyball is air affair. This would be a good motto for your team.
Have you found the center of gravity yet? It’s the letter v.
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
I just flew on a plane with an all female flight crew.
It was an....unmanned aircraft.
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
What do runners do when they forget something?
They jog their memory!
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
Flight attendants fly with a very meaningful motto: always look on the flight side of life.
When I think about books, I touch my shelf.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
Witch doctors write their prescriptions in curse-ive.
What do moon people do after they get married?What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honeyearth.
I wonder why theatres are so sad? They're always dark, moody, and in tiers.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.