What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
French fries aren’t cooked in France
They’re cooked in greece.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road?
Poultry in motion.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
This hottie has forever changed the film industry, and it starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'. Reel your mind back in - we're talking popcorn!
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
The mountain got promoted because he was at the peak of his career!
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
What separates humans from dolphins?
The surface of the water.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
Writers have great climaxes.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
Real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
We've been driving all day, I need a brake.
My suitcase started crying when I picked it up. I was carrying emotional baggage.
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
French history is nothing to Lafayette at.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
Many people think that the Abominable Snowman doesn't exist...
Yeti does.
What did the artist tell his greatest nemesis? I challenge you to a doodle!
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
What is the name of Santa’s rudest deer?
Rude-olph.
It's ice to meet you.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.