What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
Fertilizer.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
What nature phenomenon is the funniest? A cyclown!
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
How do you stop an Internet troll?
Seize their memes of production.
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
What do you call a SWAT team of alligators?
Gator-raid.
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
It was a Fanta sea.
What does Frosty the Snowman do to combat his worries about melting?
Take a chill pill!
Let’s commit the perfect crime together.
I’ll steal your heart and you can steal mine.
What's more impressive than a talking fish?
A spelling bee.
Why should you you stand on the service line? So that you can order ice cream.
"I make pour decisions."
Q. What did the mother doe name her new twin babies?
A. Bam B and Bam A.
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's medi-ogre.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
Why should you never marry someone that likes collecting weird coins?
They have no common cents.
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.
What do you call a silly werewolf in Australia ?
A dingo-ling
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
What did the witch get her cat for entertainment?
A cat-alog.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
You can’t predict wind speeds with certainty. The best you can do is make a gust-imate.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
How do officials start the races at the pink bird olympics? They say three... two... one... flaminGO!
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.