There's this vampire who's more powerful than any other, because he can't be hurt by the sun
All other vampires pale in comparison.
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
The only reason i want to become a father is to make dad jokes all the time. Some people think I am kidding
But i’m dad serious
What do you call an ogre in an accident?
A car Shrek.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
Octopus ocular optics.
Goat milk?
She sells seashells on the seashore.
The shells she sells are seashells, I’m sure.
And if she sells seashells on the seashore,
Then I’m sure she sells seashore shells.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
What always goes up whenever the rain comes down? An umbrella.
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your Halloween bag?
They can lighten your load!
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
What’s it like to kiss a vampire?
A real pain in the neck!
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ? Cheer him up!
When NASA will put 20 heads of cattle into the outer space, it will be the 1st herd shot around the entire world.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
Where is the Ghost’s bedroom located? Down the Hall-oween.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
I love making new friends.
That’s why I studied under Dr. Frankenstein.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
Why should you not play volleyball in court? Because you could get arrested.