Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
“PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.”
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
Why did the ghoul bury the trophy?
Because he wanted it engraved!
I've just arrived in Bulgaria. How is it? Sofia, so good.
Witch fall flavor is your favorite?
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
Life is way better in sandals, and that's one opinion that I will never flip-flop on.
We’re trying to pool off the party of the summer.
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
What does a bowler and a Thanksgiving guest have in common?
They both want a Turkey.
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner
Bride: How come you never help with the dinner
Frankenstein: I did
Bride: How?
Frankenstein: I did the mash...
Bride: Don't you dare
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Have you heard about some bones on the moon? Looks like the cow couldn’t make it after all.
I wish they’d change the scoring system, but tennis is set in its ways and doesn’t see the point.
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake?
Bicarbonate of Yoda
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
Mary Mac's mother's making Mary Mac marry me.
My mother's making me marry Mary Mac.
Will I always be so Merry when Mary's taking care of me?
Will I always be so merry when I marry Mary Mac?
What is a vegan Viking called?
A Norvegan.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
We’re calling your number.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
I work at an Ink company in Spain. Yesterday I held a Competition about our company’s history. But looks like no one wanted to be a part of the
Spanish Ink Quiz Session.
My weekend is fully booked.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.
Q. What did the bully do to the orange?
A. Beat him to a pulp.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!