How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Who was the fastest runner of all time?
Adam. He was the first in the human race.
After all is red and done, all the colors in the rainbow are equally beautiful.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
What kind of deer make great weather forecasters?
Rain-deer.
What kind of tropical fruit wants to visit the moon?
A Coco-naut
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
"Hey there, hop stuff."
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
The sun is just a big space heater.
What is a deer’s favorite place to get breakfast?
Dunkin’ Doe-nuts!
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What is the call of a Spanish speaking owl?
Quién...Quién.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
I like you a latte.
We make a great pear
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
Did you hear about the new Wifi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What do you call a funnel shaped storm made of ketchup?
A tormato.
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What kind tree grows chickens?
Poultry.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
What is the deer’s favorite food group?
“Deer-y products!”
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
Every time when I see a picture of something amazing in space, I usually say “That’s totally far out.”
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
What party game do rabbits like to play?
Musical Hares!
Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
Because they provided broom service!
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
Why couldn’t the fish watch YouTube?
He couldn’t stream the video.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
Because it's a little meteor.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!