She sold six shabby sheared sheep on ship.
I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
Sips getting real.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
What shape is a kiss?
A-lip-tickle.
How do beavers make a bouncy dam? Well, they use spring water.
Mix a box of mixed biscuits with a boxed biscuit mixer.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
I was hiking yesterday, when I suddenly ran in to a cougar....
Almost made me puma pants!
What do ghost cowboys wear?
Boooots.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
What do you get when a dinosaur blows it's nose? OUT of the way!!
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
There's a criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow, who likes to trick people. He is called the lepre-con artist.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid
She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.
I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
France – it’s just a oui bit different!
What do you call a bulletproof Irish man?
Rick O’Shay.
There’s a girl on my art course who never does any original work, she copies everything.
We call her Tracey.
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
What is the difference between Barry Zito and bowling icon Walter Ray Williams, Jr.?
Walter Ray Williams, Jr. knows how to throw a strike.
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
The tree got so tired of fighting with autumn, that he said, "Enough is enough! I'm leaf-ing".
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
Sip, sip, horray!
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
If you were words on a page, you'd be what they call the FINE print!
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.