I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
You met all of my koala-fications
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
Why are dinosaurs no longer around? Because their eggs stink.
“Dachshund Through the Snow.”
Reading whilst sunbathing? You must be well-red!
Was Just showing my dad my new living space. He asked “what’s upstairs?”
I Just responded with “dad, stairs don’t talk.”
I know my shot was in. But I won’t argue, because I’m not up for the challenge.
Where did the Terminator find extra olive oil??
Aisle B, back.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
How does a vampire bat enter his house?
Through the bat flap.
I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving...
One day I lobster and never flounder again.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind that blows a tall guys onto a basketball court?
A: The NBA draft
The sun is mad at the clouds because the clouds keep throwing shade.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
My father always taught me to be prepared for any emergency. I was on the ball when the streets flooded...
I was ready and wading!
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
How heavy is a rainbow? It's actually pretty light.
I’m currently reading a book on anti-gravity and it’s impossible to put it down.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.
My boss said, “Clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick.
Why wasn't the hunter allowed to bring his antelope and buffalo with him on the plane?
You're only allowed one carrion.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Rudder valve reversals
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
Son: does Easter Bunny set out 12 eggs in the field to search for?
Dad: no he dozen’t.
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.