Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
I chucked my phone into a very deep lake.
Somehow it's still syncing.
Fishing you a happy day.
What did one sushi roll say to the other sushi roll?
I’m soy into you.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
I’ll always be running-back to you.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Why don’t koalas like fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
What party game do rabbits like to play?
Musical Hares!
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
Took a flight, and my luggage got torn to pieces....
My lawyer said I don't have much of a case.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?
They get hooked.
Has the abominable snowman called?
Not Yeti.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
I lub dub you with all my heart.
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
Which superstar has a nose for the puck? Mario the Magsniffascent.
If you cross a bee and a lizard, you'll get a blizzard!
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
I'm reading a book called "The Yellow River"
It's written by I.P. Freely
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.