What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.
What bee is most indecisive?
A May bee!
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
How did the Native Americans get to America first?
They had reservations.
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
My wife drove our German car off the pier into the sea. The next day I went diving to look for it.
I got the Benz.
What do a witch and a candle have in common?
They're both wicked.
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
The storm was sad so we called it the sigh-clone.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all info about 80s music!
Man: Yikes! What’s The Cure?
Doctor: Darn, it’s worse than I thought.
Which monster did the three bears catch sleeping?
Ghouldilocks!
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
To beer or not to beer… That is the question.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
The green light at the road signal looked at the red light and said, "Don't look while I am changing".
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
Cowboys don’t roll joints.
They tumble weed.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
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One thing you never want to do is divorce a butcher.
That would be a huge missed steak.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
What do you call a gassy cowboy?
Wyatt Burp.
A friend of mine was describing an exotic bird to me and asked what was orange and sounded like a parrot. I told him, "A carrot".
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
What happened to the skier who was injured the the top of the peak?
It's been all downhill from there.