What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
The turtle had to cross the road in order to get to the Shell station.
I had a shell of a time when I attended the costume party as a turtle.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
How do you know Frankenstein is tired?
He’s dead on his feet.
What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A Bloody Mary.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
Say it ain’t snow.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What do you call a werewolf escapologist?
Hairy Houdini.
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.
Now it has no friends.
Why did the computer squeak? Because someone stepped on its mouse!
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
What happened when Turbo lost his shell? He began to feel sluggish.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
How fast can a cave become vacant? At the drop of a bat.
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
Snow thank you.
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
A witch with chickenpox is called an itchy-witchy.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Why was the crab embarrassed?
Because the sea weed.
Dublin over in laughter.
Where do vampires go to buy their art supplies? Pencilvania.
How do you know your heart is your biggest fan?
It’s always so pumped for you.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
Billy turned in his art project and his teacher said, “This piece of paper has nothing on it?”
Billy replied “I know, I drew a blank.”
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
The skeleton would love to see the latest horror flick, but he just doesn't have the guts for it.
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
I hope for world peas.
What do ghosts drink on St Patricks Day?
BOOs.
Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
It’s filled with liti-gators.
Enough of the Corona virus jokes
We're all getting sick of them!
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.