Before the Koalaville basketball team can play for the national championship, they have to make it through the koalafying rounds.
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
"Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.
Neil before me."
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
Why don’t people like grumpy vampires?
Because they have bat tempers.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
Send toast to ten tense stout saints’ ten tall tents.
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
The target in soccer is to kick it where it counts.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
Why was Frankenstein’s monster always being arrested?
He was so easy to charge.
A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables and sets them down on the bar.
The bartender said: "Now don't you start anything!"
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What kind of light goes around the earth? A Satel-lite.
Why do Ghosts make such good company? They are full of spirit.
I’ve loved my vacation in France, but it’s time to Hugo.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
Why are spiders such great volleyball players? Because they have an amazing topspin.
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
Red lorry, yellow lorry.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
Your name must be Autumn because I am falling for you.
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
When the pitch is flooded, soccer players can still go on. They just need to bring on their subs.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
What do you call it when a monster gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to ketchup!
What’s the biggest difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool’s Day?
On one you’re thankful but on the other you’re prankful.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
When you meet someone, you don't want to get off to a bad art!
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!