Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
What speech did Abraham Lincoln give when he went to Italy?
The Spaghetties-burg Address.
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays.
I think there'll be a ferry-tale ending to this trip.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
Tis the sea-sun.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
How will you make the earth clean? By giving it a meteor shower.
Salty but sweet.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
We make a great pear
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
How many grammar cops does it take to change a light bulb?
Too.
How do you call stage diving at Oktoberfest?
Krautsurfing.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Why do werewolves not enter the Olympics? Too high a chance of a silver medal.
They told me they were handing out free beef at the beach...
When I arrived I realized it was a bay-con.
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire.
It was a hot mess
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I really lava you!
Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
The lager you wait, the better it tastes.
The main difference between the weather and a horse is that one rains down while the other is reined up.
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
Keep calm and carrot on.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What Twix do you have up your sleeve that makes me love you?
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
You have me greening from ear to ear.
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
I can’t believe you have the de Gaulle to say that to my face.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.