How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
I just heard that the government has made an amendment to lockdown to allow Father Christmas out...
It's called the Santa Clause
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
"You're poaching all my best yolks."
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
Who was the fastest runner of all time?
Adam. He was the first in the human race.
I threw water on a flamingo the other day
Now it's just an O.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What do you call a cat from Italy?
Spacatti.
If you encounter a sea monster, you better get Kraken!
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
What do you call an eyeless deer?
No-eye-deer.
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
Why can’t people hear your scream in the space? Because it’s miles away.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
I'm the life of the paddy.
When doesn’t a bull have horns?
When it’s a bullfrog.
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
Librarians don't like drinking white wine. They prefer the well red ones!
What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
What are unsolved murders called when it happens in a society of crows? Murder mysteries.
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
Getting lucked up on St. Patrick’s Day.
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
What do polite whales always say?
You’re whale-come.
“I love when candy canes are in mint condition.”
The queen’s favorite form of precipitation is the reign.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
What do crows read? Cawmics.
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.