What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
Whatever you do this summer, be sure to make a splash.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
Scientists believe that one day we will find Sasquatch, just...
Not Yeti.
I’m o-fish-ally in love with you.
Where do beavers go for a hair cut? To the bobber shop.
What falls all the time and never gets hurt? Rain.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
I think you’re incredi-bowl.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
I just beat my friend in a Wild West themed art race!
I was quicker to the draw.
What was Santa's best subject in school? Chemistree.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
Who are the biggest fans at the theatre? The backstage crew - They're always giving props to the actors.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
After a good summer fling, it’s time to fall in love.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
You sleigh me.
Why did the monster call his werewolf “Frost”?
Because frost bites!
These book puns have tickled your spine.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
What is a koala’s favorite type of fruit? Bearies.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
Airlines have nowadays become so cash strapped that they charge you for everything including emotional baggage.
The insane amount of rainfall in Poland did not lead the river to flood, all was in Oder.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
What did the ghost buy at the bar? Boos!
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.