Don't worry, bee happy!
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
The only reason i want to become a father is to make dad jokes all the time. Some people think I am kidding
But i’m dad serious
The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
She stood on the balcony, inexplicably mimicking him hiccuping, and amicably welcoming him in.
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
What are unsolved murders called when it happens in a society of crows? Murder mysteries.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Need an ark?
I noah guy.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
What does the iron-deficient giant say?
- Fi fo fum.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
Why can you never trust an artist? Because they are a bit sketchy, a little shady and will always try to frame you.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why did Princess Leia lose all her friends and family?
She got involved with Alderaan people.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia