What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Life without you would be un-bear-able.
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
Girls just wanna have sun.
What do you get when you mix an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia.
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
What sport does the Koolaid man play?
Baseball. He's a pitcher.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
What was Moses' favorite color?
Red, see?
What's the article of winter clothing most appropriate for Valentine's Day?
's mitten.
Is that the Dog star? You can’t be Sirius!
What is the fastest fish in the water? A motopike
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
What did the queen bee say to the naughty bee? Beehive yourself.
What's the difference between a colorful women's garment and a famous live music venue?
One's a house of blues, the other's a blouse of hues.
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
What's Irish and stays out all night?
Paddy O'Furniture.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
Ireland always leaves me wanting Moher.
What do you call half of a centaur?
A per-centaur.
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
She saw Sharif’s shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure those were Sharif’s shoes she saw?
What should you do when you see Frankenstein walking towards you?
Make a bolt for it.
What happened when Dr. Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Take a vampire to a bar, and you don't need to ask what he wants to drink. He'll have a Bloodweiser.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
I’m no geometric genius, but all love triangles soon turn into wreck-tangles.
Have you heard of the martial artists who fought on the beach?
They faced off in sand-to-sand combat.
Q: What does the tiger use to brush his mane?
A: A catacomb.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.