How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
I've just got a new job as a nursery rhyme cow.
I'm over the moon.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
Why do cows lie on each other in the rain?
To keep each udder dry.
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
What do you call a meal from the moon?
A satellite dish.
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
Life's a beach. Enjoy the waves.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Jameson on St. Patrick’s Day? It’s worth a shot.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
That crazy little sun of a beach.
Ghosts are terrible liars because you can see right through them.
Q: Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?
A: Because he was the raining champion.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
My Chiropractor is serious is as hell
But he always cracks me up.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.
Why shouldn’t you iron a four-leaved clover?
You don’t want to press your luck.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
A crab didn't help his friend,
he's shellfish.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
I'm beginning to suspect that the Tinnitus Hotline isn't actually staffed
Any time I call, it just keeps ringing.
The skeleton ordered a cabernet wine with a full body because he didn't have one.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
An astronaut who normally fails on a weightlessness experiment, might surely be aware of the gravity of the situation.
The best holiday for you to go bowling is thanksgiving because you will get turkeys.