Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
Witches are always wand-ering around…
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Why do prisoners have PTSD? Cell Shock.
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....
He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence
What did one paint say to another when they got in an argument? Don't use that tone with me.
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
Why was Frankenstein’s monster always being arrested?
He was so easy to charge.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
What did E.Ts mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
French fries aren’t cooked in France
They’re cooked in greece.
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
I always have a souper time with you.
You're acute Valentine.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
Witches always fly on broomsticks because they want to make a clean getaway.
What do doctors use to diagnose chickens?
Eggsray.
Why did the golfer need new socks?
Because there was a hole in one.
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
Who's the scariest dancer ever?
The Boogie Man.
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
I got so mad at my partner hitting moonballs, I had to pusher off the court.
She sold six shabby sheared sheep on ship.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
The big cat was known around town to wear a lot of funky ties. Everyone called him the tie-ger.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
Why is spring a great time to start a gardening business?
Because it’s the season when you can really rake in the cash.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
At the end of the year, there is always a rock n’ bowl concert where everyone gets entertained.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.