Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
You are pitcher perfect.
Are you a flame? Because I think I found my perfect match.
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
Puns make me numb, but math puns make me...
Number.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
If the wooden face mask was popularized by Jacques Plante, was the wooden
cup made popular by Jock Plank?
What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo!
What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
Ant-ten-eye.
A stoner, a Jedi and a surgeon walk into a bar.
Blunt force trauma.
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
I've always wondered if it was easy to catch Bigfoot...
I was relieved when my doctor told me it wasn't a disease.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
[Water Slide] I was going to get some work done, but I decided to let it slide.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
"Beehive!"
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
I was at an office conference this past autumn. I made a new friend and when I asked for his contact details, he said, "Here is my November!"
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
Frankenstein entered a body-building competition…
And soon found he had seriously misunderstood the objective.
If you can think of a better fish pun than me
Then let minnow.
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
What did you have for breakfast?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for lunch?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for dinner?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What do you do when your sister comes home?
- rubber balls and liquor!