Why did the volleyball player get sent to jail? Because he was set up.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
Their romance started by candlelight.
But it only lasted a wick.
A lot of William Shakespeare’s plays were based off of old Greek and Roman performances
That's playgarism if you ask me.
When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
I thought about studying the astronomy for my university. But then I thought, I would just be taking up space.
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.
If you have a parrot, it says a lot about you!
The cat’s out of the bag – I love you purry much.
Why did the werewolf laugh while chewing on the skeleton?
He got to the funny bone.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite love story?
Romeo and Ghouliet!
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
You must be glue because I am sticking with you.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
Why will you not want to give a bath to the Saturn? It would then leave a ring around the tub.
Why did the obtuse Triangle go to the beach?
Because it was more than 90°.
Where do you get frog's eggs?
At the spawn shop.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
An actor I know fell through the floor recently. It's just a stage he was going through.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
You have to act quickly during a flood because it's an emergent sea.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
"And this is the amputation wing of the hospital. It used to be a lot bigger."
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.
The computer had to visit the dentist at the very earliest opportunity as it had a BlueTooth!
I was surprised when I saw a man get struck by lightning.
The man was shocked as well.
Q: What does the tiger use to brush his mane?
A: A catacomb.
I gave someone directions to a theater today
I guess I am a movie director now.
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.