What is a deer’s favorite meal of the day?
“Deer-ner.”
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
If it ain’t brogue, don’t fix it.
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
I love you from my head tomatoes.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
To the shell-block.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Why is Facebook like jail? You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you really don't know.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
Will you, William? Will you, William? Will you, William?
Can't you, don't you, won't you, William?
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Give papa a cup of proper coffee in a copper coffee cup.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
The winds of change started raining silver, copper, and gold coins.
What do you call an artist without a palette? Someone who makes paintings without taste.
Do you believe this? All soccer players, irrespective of their country of origin, have one goal.
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
If an astronaut steps on chewing gum then what will happen to him? He will simply be stuck on the Orbit.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
We’re a perfect mash.
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Who is a Yeti's favorite Dracula actor?
Christobrr Lee.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
I was so tired. I needed a sea-esta on the beach.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
I love you a tot!
Wind energy is so popular. It has a lot of fans.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
When should you stop for a glow worm? When he has a red light.