“A mistle-toast to the holiday season.”
What type of cat will keep your garden looking nice and tidy? A lawn meower.
We pass expectations, set the standards and kill the competition. This is definitely one of the best volleyball puns to use as your team’s motto.
What is a definition of art theft? The haul of frames.
What does a kangaroo do when it gets Covid? Goes to the hop-spittle.
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
Why do cats have minty breath? Because they use mousewash
The only difference between time and a ball hog is that the former passes.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
When a dinosaur gets a goal in a soccer tournament, it is known as a dino-score.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
I once dreamt of crossing a wide river...
But it ended up being just a ferry tale.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Q. Where do red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violet crayons like to go hiking?
A. Colorado.
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.
Ever heard of Cawsmopolitan? It is one of the best magazines for crows.
Whoever slit the sheets is a good sheet slitter.
What would you get if you'd put a lawyer in a suit? A lawsuit.
Why did the Ghosts win the soccer match? They scored more Ghouls.
What is the fastest fish in the water? A motopike
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
What do ghosts use to keep their hair in place? Scare-spray!
"I make pour decisions."
Ice simply love it when it snows!
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
"I've found some bunny to love."
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
It’s easy to spot a sad flamingo. They get really blue.
Can birds sell cereal to children?
I don't know if one can, but toucan.
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall — hope you do too!
What will you get if you cross an ice bear and a running tiger? Frostbite.
How did they determine that the shark attack victim had dandruff?
Because all that washed up on the beach was his head and shoulders.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What do you call an amazing day up a mountain? A peak experience.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What do frogs do when they ski?
They rip it.