Having been thrown out of cartoon art school, he was in suspended animation.
When you swat a mosquito on your arm
Its death is in vein.
Where is the ghost going on holiday the next year? Lake Eerie.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Absolutely terrified!
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
What do you call someone who only eats tiny bits of other people?
A cannibble.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
What did one ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just waved.
What do you call it when you've choked on water while jogging every morning this week?
The worst running gag ever.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
Where do the astronauts park their vehicles? At the parking meteors.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Fishing you a happy day.
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
The calm before the score
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Don’t give into beer pressure.
"You can't sip with us."
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot
What is the most favourite drink of a cow? Mountain Moo.
Dolphins don't have accidents.
They do everything on porpoise.
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
Why couldn't the housefly board the plane?
It was on the no fly list
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, want me to jump off this chairlift for you? 'Cause I think I could fall for you.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Why didn’t Dr. Frankenstein ever make a second monster?
Because he just didn’t have the guts to do it again.
I don't have a "Dad Bod"
I have a father figure.
In every corny joke,
There is a kernel of truth.
What did the skydiver say in autumn? I love the fall.
What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
A navigator.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store