It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock?
He got ticks.
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
This may be corny, but you are a-maize-ing.
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
Why did the Easter bunny fire the duck?
He kept quacking all the eggs.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
I told my brother not to stand too close to the trees in our backyard.
I don't know why, but they seem shady.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
What should you do when you play volleyball against a team of satanists? You beat the hell out of them.
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
Q. Which kind of cheese is made fom deer milk?
A. Moose-erella.
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
A man went to the gym today and met up with his new personal rainer.
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
Have you heard about some bones on the moon? Looks like the cow couldn’t make it after all.
On reflection, vampires aren't actually that scary.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
What month always asks questions and permission?
May!
Our game is as tight as our spandex. This would be an awesome team motto.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
What does a bookworm do during a baseball game? Worm the bench.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Where do folks from Bilbao, Spain buy outdoor equipment?
The Basque Pro Shop.
The best armor for sneaking is leather armor.
Because it's made of hide.
Artists know how to draw the line, so you can't really peer pressure them.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
Shes a fairy realistic person.
If there's a Tim Horton's chain, should there be a Lanny McDonald's? Or Doug
Harvey's? And what about Ron's Francise?
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Nurse: Are you allergic to anything?
Man: Burnt bread.
Nurse: You're allergic to burnt bread?!?
Man: Yes, I’m black toast intolerant.
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
What do you call a professional beach volleyball player who doesn’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend? Homeless.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
He wanted to get to the other slide.
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...