Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
People are always after me lucky charms.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
Do you suffer from anxiety that an intruder may be hiding in your room?
You're not alone.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
What words do windmills live by? One good turn deserves another!
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
I just flew on a plane with an all female flight crew.
It was an....unmanned aircraft.
Why did the banana fail his driving test? He kept peeling out.
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Do you beer-lieve in magic?
I never knew how lightning worked
Thats until it finally struck me.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why was the skeleton scared of the baby?
Because he was an ankle biter.
What do you call witches who live together?
Broom-mates.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
Why did the cloud stay at home? It was feeling under the weather.
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
How do you shoot a three-headed ghoul?
Bang! Bang! Bang!
What is the difference between a panda and a polar bear?
About 1,000 miles.
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
I tripped in France.
Eiffel over.
Don’t give into beer pressure.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
What do skiers get if they sit in the snow for too long?
Polaroids!
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.