Why don't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What did the deer say to his sulky friend?
“Buck up!”
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
Now he can processor.
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
What is an astronauts favourite type of shirt?
Apollo
How do you Charlemange-age to get through the last few days before vacation?
Who is the most famous actor in Greece ?
John Travolta.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
My gay lover asked me if date night was optional.
I said no, it's a mandate
Have you ever tried to write your own puns?
It's a fairly difficult pun-dertaking!
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
Wanna know a way for werewolves to howl other than the full moon?
Make them stub their toe.
Why did the cow go to space?
to get ice cream.
My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
When doing laundry, the mother wolf accidentally fell into the washing machine. It became a wash and wearwolf.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
The manager for that dairy farm was referred to as the cow-ordinator.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
What Disney movie can a deer watch over and over again?
Fawn-tasia.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
If trees could kill you, they wood.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
Q. Which African animal is the oldest?
A. The zebra. 'Cause it's in black and white.
I had a real problem when your mom got rid of that crooked chair my dad made.
I don't know why, it just never sat right with me.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.