What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
Mouse code!
Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
What do you think of puns about deer?
“I’m very fawn’d of them myself.”
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish!
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
Which city do hamsters live in?
Hamsterdam.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
Me: I’d like to book an appointment at the hospital please Receptionist: how about 10 tomorrow?
Me: no I don’t need that many, only one thanks.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
How do volleyball players deliver their messages? Through Air Mail.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
Now I'm homeless.
What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
Hammerheads.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
I’m positive I just lost an electron.
Better keep an ion that.
The Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Italy
So it’s italicized!
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What did the beaver say to the other beaver? I love you like no otter.
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
The only ship that has never docked on their harbor is the premiership.
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
If a robber robs a house under renovation and accidentally leaves his handprint on wet cement,
Does that mean that the police have concrete evidence?
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.