What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
I pitcher us together forever.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
What online search engine do spooky monsters use?
Ghoulghoul.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
Why did the monster call his werewolf “Frost”?
Because frost bites!
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
I was wondering why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
What do you call it when pigs attack you?
A hambush.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
The winter is the worst time of year for a wedding. The grooms always seem to be getting cold feet.
Did you hear that cats have carried out a Coup in Barcelona and declared independence from Spain?
They're calling themselves the Republic of Catalo-nya.
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What is a werewolf’s favorite drink?
Moonshine.
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
Why do ghosts like elevators? They raise their spirits.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
It's ice to meet you.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
I'm fondue you, it's true
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter "T".
Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.
Variety is the ice of life.
Pad kid poured curd pulled cod.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out