What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
What do you call an animal you keep in your car?
A Carpet
What jumps up and down in front of a car?
Froglights.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What do aliens prefer to drink?
Gravi-tea.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
Which violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?
Ghoul tending.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
Why did the artist get into a heated argument with the gallery curator? He just wasn't in the right frame of mind.
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
Why did the corn stalks hold a ceremony in honor of the scarecrow?
To corn-gratulate him for being out standing in their field!
Q. How do you describe a stinking filthy buck?
A. Deer-ty.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
My chickens escaped and over my yard...
I wasn't expecting the coop d'etat.
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? No haunting license.
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator.
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
A boy ghost thought a girl ghost was cute so he asked if she would be his ghoul-friend.
Q. What does one teen buck say to oad another into doing something risky?
A. I double deer you!
Why don’t Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers.
“Feliz navi-dog!”
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What do doctors use to diagnose chickens?
Eggsray.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
Why do you need six players to carry the volleyball to the game? No one can carry the volleyball and a whole team.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
“Someone’s barking up the wrong Christmas tree.”
What do you call an ogre in an accident?
A car Shrek.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!